You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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