Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
