and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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