I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
