They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
