We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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