Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
