I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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