Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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