I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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