why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She's the barista slut.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
third nipple confirmed
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Holy shit dude........stairs
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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