dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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