Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
