we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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