I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
