To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
