his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
