You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
