So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
