4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
