Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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