Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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