Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
