I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
