So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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