I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Vodka?
Forever.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
