You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
