and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
