So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
smell my finger.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
