I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
