ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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