Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
