Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I currently don't understand fingers.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
