Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
