Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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