he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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