he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
