dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
