Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
