everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
