remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
