where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
