the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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