So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
