i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize