Cold hands, warm shart.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
