dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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