God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
