wakey wakey hands off snakey
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
