Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
there is glitter all over my balls
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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