What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
