You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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