That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
