I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
