Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize