I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
