I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
