The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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