Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
