apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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