i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
it's like iHOP with fire
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
