Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
