when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
