I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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